I am sure you are all familiar with the following lyric… “Regrets, I’ve had a few; but then again, too few to mention”. The words come, of course, from “My Way”* [1] by Frank Sinatra, but written for him by another singer, Paul Anka. Wonder if he regrets (there’s that word again) giving it to Sinatra.
Were the lyrics to be re-written with me in mind, they might say: “Regrets, I’ve had several; but then again, I try not to dwell on them”. They wouldn’t scan so well, but they would be a bit more accurate. I don’t see the point of dwelling on regrets for at least a couple of reasons – one, it is probably too late to do anything about the matter and, second, you just end up getting bitter and twisted.
It would be great if I felt I could claim that my feelings are bounded up in another great song, “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” [2] (No, I Don’t Regret Anything) by French songbird Edith Piaf. I still get a bit teary when I hear that song. Don’t understand many of the words, but the sentiment and her delivery always get to me.
I don’t plan to regale you with a long list of personal regrets, but I will mention one that has a Thai context. I regret the break-up on my second marriage given my wife and I had two smashing children. No point dwelling on it and my ex- and I get on just fine now. Also, were it not for the break-up, I might never have revisited Thailand. So, the rest, as they say, is history.
Regrets come to mind for a couple of reasons.
The first is related to my work on a magazine in England. There I have the dubious honour of dreaming up what we call the Burning Question which is answered by all members of the editorial staff. It’s a column intended to be a light-hearted bit of nonsense.
Recently, I asked: Is there a major event (concert/sporting/family/etc.) you regret missing out on?
Most of the answers I received back related to music – last concert of the Ramones; Glastonbury 2019; Led Zeppelin’s 2007 reunion; seeing Queen with Freddie Mercury; last concert of the Beautiful South and so on.
My own regret was a sporting one. I didn’t travel to Barcelona for football’s 1999 Champions League final for two reasons. One, the expense. I thought that spending several hundreds of pounds might not go down too well with ‘er indoors. Two, deep down I was fearful that my favourite team, Manchester United, would lose to Bayern Munich. Oh, ye of little faith.
The second reason that regrets came into my head is linked to an old pal (actually, he is still a pal) from my days on REm in Pattaya. Craig Turner formerly of real estate brokers Rightmove Pattaya recently posted on Facebook: “After recently celebrating my 50th birthday, I have taken time to reflect on my life. I can honestly say, that I love it! The 50 years have largely been spent laughing and enjoying myself. I am lucky to have great family and friends both here (Yorkshire) and Thailand. So, I have no intention of growing up, as that is boring. I will continue in similar style to the past 50 years!”
Reading that made me feel quite envious, I confess. The ability to say that one loves life – and mean it (I have no doubts that he does) is something quite special. I’m not sure I would be able to use the word “love” regarding my own life. Not that it has been a total catalogue of disasters, I should make clear. I console myself with the thought that Craig must have had the odd blip along the way. After all, he does support Sheffield Wednesday!
Another of my own regrets is that I don’t always engage my brain with my mouth before blurting out something, usually in an attempt to be funny. Sadly, the result is not always amusing and there have been times, in retrospect, when I wish I hadn’t bothered to say anything.
I was reminded of this when watching a rerun of part of the Graham Norton Show when he had actor Seth MacFarlane as one of his guests [3]. MacFarlane is the voice behind many of the characters on the TV animated sitcom, Family Guy. On the Norton show he said: “I knew a thousand Peter Griffins (the father in Family Guy) growing up in New England. Guys who would not think before they spoke. Guys who had no self-editing mechanism. If it’s in here (he says pointing to his heart) it’s coming out here (his mouth) with no gateway.”
I feel Peter Griffin and I would get on well. If there were a Foot in Mouth Society (there isn’t, I’ve checked) I would be confident of being an honorary member.
Mind you, when it comes to faux pas (going all French on you again) I think I would have to go some to match Gerald Ratner in terms of regrets for something I have said.
Ratner’s remarks pretty much led to the demise of his jewellery company in the UK back in 1991. He was addressing an Institute of Directors conference at the Royal Albert Hall when he said: “We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, ‘how can you sell this for such a low price?’, I say, ‘because it’s total crap’.”
He added that one of the sets of earrings Ratners sold was “cheaper than a prawn sandwich from Marks & Spencers, but I have to say the sandwich will probably last longer than the earrings”.
The desire to be self-deprecating is quite a common British trait and I’m sure that that was what Ratner was attempting to do instead of getting up and boasting about his company and its achievements. It’s a little like being asked what’s your handicap at golf and replying: The clubs!
There is little doubt that Ratner went on to wish that his throwaway remarks had, indeed, been thrown away.But now he has his own place in the English language. People are said to be “doing a Ratner”. On the web, this is defined as: Really screwing up in a totally avoidable way by doing something monumentally damaging either because there was no process to avoid it in place or there was, but it was recklessly ignored.
Two of the past years have been blighted by the Covid pandemic and lockdowns have given most of us a time to reflect. I know I’m not alone in having times of feeling low a result. My ‘solution’ is to play a favourite piece of music to lift my spirits and I can recommend this ‘cure’.
Of course, it’s a case of each to his own in this matter, but I’ll share a personal favourite with you – Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles [4]. The intro always brings a smile to my face.
My advice to all? Try not to reflect too long and hard and do your best to avoid regrets.
*In a 2005 survey conducted in the UK by Co-operative FuneralCare My Way was the most requested song for a funeral service. The music was based on a French song, “Comme d’habitude” (As Usual).
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQzdAsjWGPg
[2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3Kvu6Kgp88
[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6vmGabgzH4
[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQetemT1sWc
Dave Buckley is a career journalist. “I once went painting girders for a week and discovered I didn’t like heights,” he says. “Apart from that, it has always been journalism for me in one form or another.” Past publications worked for include the South-East London Mercury*, Kent Messenger, Daily Express, Today*, News of the World* and Hong Kong Star*. All those marked with an asterisk no longer exist (trend emerging?). He owned and edited a Thailand-based property magazine before returning to England and currently works as a production editor for an East Midlands-based publishing group.
